Purely Coincidental
by R.G. Waffles
Summary: Because sometimes, things are purely coincidental, and a first meeting can’t change Naruto’s life, but it can make one heck of a short story.


When you are done with this story, you are going to feel like you have just wasted a part of your life.

But come on! You have to admit that the concept behind this is true if you think about it!

Most of the stories out there are based on one coincidental meeting (call it fate?) after the other until they finally evolve into some sort of relationship.

Enjoy, and review only if you feel moved to.

…**:::Purely Coincidental:::…**

"You puked all over my shoes."

Naruto looked up, only to look back down in embarrassment as he felt another wave of nausea hit him.

He was in the middle of a bathroom that wasn't his, leaning heavily against a sink, the foul stench of vomit wafting into his nose with enough intensity to make him want to throw up again. And standing in front of him was a god. Or an angel. Or maybe both.

Wait, how did he get there?

Naruto scrunched his face in thought, trying to will his dizziness away so that he could remember clearly. He needed to backtrack and find out exactly _how_ he had gotten to stand in front of the black-haired beauty, his vomit on some pretty expensive-looking boots, and his hand in a . . .

. . . bucket?

Okay, he _really_ needed to backtrack.

----------

Ah, now he remembered.

It had all started when Kiba had waltzed into his apartment that very afternoon, swung his arm around the unsuspecting blond, and said, "We're going to go get ourselves some chicks."

Naruto's first reaction:

"Are you high?"

"Yes," Kiba said frankly, sitting down in front of where Naruto was eating ramen. "But that's besides the point. Let's go to that new bar tonight. You know – what's-its-name –"

"Ultrasound?"

"Yeah!"

Kiba picked up the stray wrapper to Naruto's chopsticks and began fiddling with it, a permanent, goofy smile plastered onto his face.

"Come on, Naruto! When was the last time you got totally plastered?"

"Last week, when you came in and said the same thing."

The grinning boy simply let out a bark of laughter, then frowned, as if he had lost his train of thought. "Huh," he said suddenly. He blinked. Twice. Then he turned to stare at Naruto with a suddenly blank expression. "Hey, Naruto, you want to go get ourselves some chicks?"

Naruto simply sighed, grinned, and stood up.

"Let me get my coat."

And they were off.

Naruto drove.

The new bar was like every other stereotypical bar Naruto had been to: loud, bright, and neon. The music was the same beat: _boom-da-boom-da-boom-da-boom!_ over and over again. Men and women alike danced so close, they could be considered connected, their bodies grinding in sync and their hands up in the air as if kept there by invisible strings.

Naruto pulled Kiba inside, grinning a grin so broad he could have strained a few muscles; the second he had entered the bar, a feeling of euphoria had washed over him so strongly, he was surprised he hadn't fainted of ecstasy. Kiba stumbled behind him as the two of them made their ways over to the bar in the back of the room.

"What'll it be, boys?"

The bartender leaned over to greet them, her arms pressing her breasts together, her cleavage easily visible from the shirt – was it a shirt or a strip of cloth? – she wore. Kiba had no problem ogling.

"Surprise us," Naruto said with a laugh, pulling his friend back.

As the bartender left to create the drinks, Naruto and Kiba swiveled on their stools, examining the area. Naruto's eyes moved away from the dance floor to the tables of giggling girls and drunken dudes. He was simply at the bar to have a laugh with Kiba. He hadn't been serious about picking up any girls, but Kiba, who could barely keep his tongue in his mouth, was.

People watching.

Yeah, he was people watching.

And when his bright eyes fell upon a breath-taking figure at the end of the bar he sat on, his hobby of people watching became _person_ watching.

Now Naruto wasn't gay, so to speak, but he decided he could change that thought for this one guy.

Of course, as all the stories go, Naruto just happened to find none other than Uchiha Sasuke. _The_ Uchiha Sasuke.

The brunette sat, his elbows resting against the bar, with a cigarette in one hand and a shot glass in the other. Naruto couldn't help but stare at the swirl of smoke escaping from the man's lips, the way it twisted around his head of spiked hair and floated up in a translucent, idle wisp before disappearing with the glare of the neon lights. He watched as Sasuke _("I need to know his name!")_ crossed one slender, jeans-covered leg over the other, and before he could trail his eyes upon the rest of the Uchiha, a sharp stab to his gut broke him out of his thoughts.

"Hey, hey, Naruto."

Naruto shook his head slightly and turned to look at where Kiba was pointing. He had just noticed that their drinks were already made and settled for them.

"That girl over there – the one with the pink hair."

The blond squinted his eyes for a moment to catch a glimpse of the girl Kiba spoke of and sure enough, between a girl of blond hair, a girl of purple hair, and a girl of chocolate hair, was this one girl with _pink_ locks.

"Do you think that's her natural hair color?" Kiba wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "I'd like to do a little bit of detective work."

"Yeah, yeah," Naruto said absently, waving his hand. He turned back to where he had been staring at the man that had captured his interest, but he was no longer there.

Naruto frowned.

_I didn't even get a name._

He brought his drink to his lips without a moment's hesitation, the smoke of Sasuke's cigarette still lingering around him.

----------

Five drinks and four songs later, Naruto was just about ready to puke.

Kiba had disappeared with the girl with pink hair, leaving Naruto alone by the bar. It had taken three drinks to bring the blond to the dance floor, and one more to have him grinding against the nearest object, be it girl, guy, or wall. When he returned to the bar and downed one more drink, his stomach decided enough was enough.

Naruto put one hand to his heart and rubbed it, groaning at the pain and nausea that suddenly hit him. The neon lights had turned into lasers, burning his eyes whenever he looked into them. The music pounded a steady, dull beat for his headache: _boom . . . da-boom . . . da-boom . . ._

"I'm going to be sick," he said tactlessly to no one in particular before he jumped from his stool and ran to the bathroom.

His first choice of doors had mistakenly been the girl's bathroom (a smack to his head with the metal strap of a purse had confirmed it) and so he had stumbled blindly into the boy's bathroom in desperation.

_Almost there . . .!_

But his stomach didn't think so.

He couldn't make it to the stall in time. Naruto almost dropped to his knees, holding desperately on to the side of a sink as he vaguely heard the flush of a toilet in his buzzing mind. Without a second's hesitation, he threw up.

Right as Uchiha Sasuke stepped out of the toilet stall.

----------

That brought Naruto's night to a full circle.

_Now_ he remembered why he was leaning against a sink with an angel, or god, or _whatever_ standing in front of him!

. . . But it didn't explain the bucket on his hand . . .

Hm.

"You puked all over my shoes," the brunette had said in the most blunt, most obvious way a person could possibly utter such a statement.

Naruto did not say anything for a few moments, afraid of another bout of sickness. His eyes simply watched as Sasuke waited for an answer. The man's eyes were not angered, but rather irritated at the unfortunate and completely random incident.

At last, Naruto pulled himself up to stand straight, meeting irritated black, black eyes at eye-level.

"Sorry," he said as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

He looked down at Sasuke's ruined boots, at the chunks of food and – what _was_ that?! – that covered them in sloppy pools. When his mind finally registered what he had done, he jumped slightly and frantically began reaching for the nearest paper towels.

"Oh man! I'm so sorry!" he said as bent down to try and clean the mess. "I don't know how to apologize! Look, I'll pay for them. How much are they?"

A pale hand stopped his attempts suddenly. Naruto looked up to find Sasuke's intense gaze upon him. The Uchiha shook his head slightly, silently telling the blond to stand up.

"They're more than you can afford."

He straightened and fished in his jeans for his pack of cigarettes. Naruto straightened as well, rubbing the back of his neck out of nervous habit.

"This is . . . really embarrassing," he managed to say lamely. "How can I make it up to you?"

"You can shut up."

With a cigarette dangling from his lips, Uchiha Sasuke walked out of the bathroom, vomit-covered boots and all.

And Naruto never saw him again.

He didn't follow him and beg for forgiveness. They didn't randomly meet the next day at a store, or at a job interview, or at the park. And they surely did not randomly end up in a relationship where they had intense make-out sessions and dramatic moments as they revealed their pasts.

They just never met again.

Because sometimes, things are purely coincidental.


End file.
